Why I Am A Hero
by Lone Wolf8
Summary: A heroine reflects on her choices and her actions over the years, and ponders about what it is that motivates her to protect Paragon City. (Character: Lady Lumos Server: Virtue )


color:red bWARNING: This story contains concepts about new age religion, gay relationships, and racism, and their effects on the lead character. Do not read this if you think you may be offended. You have been cautioned./b /color

**Why I am a Hero**

It's different here. It always had been. I got used to the cleaner feeling, the grassy hills, the lush forests, I even liked the rain and the cloudy sky. I've always liked the cloudy days. Cloudy days and clear nights. I've never been one for sun shine, I suppose that's probably because of my mutation. My powers draw their strength from the moons light after all. I find it rather strange, I control light, I would think solar energy would be a fuel source, but no…

I miss the UK. A lot more than I sometimes let on. I avoid the subject of politics around the other members of the Wardens… I don't even want to know what some of them would think if they knew my stance on many world views. I think sometimes a few of them feel odd enough having a Wiccan practitioner as a leader, add preferring the same sex to that and I'm not exactly the average persons concept of a super hero…

I put on a brave face people. I act proper and respectable. I fight avidly to ensure the thugs I arrest see a fair trial in the judicial system. It's all an act. All because I'm too stubborn to admit to my own weaknesses. 

Everyone says heroes are the most respected beings on earth… They see us swoop down on the gangs loitering outside the electronics shops and eyeing the BMW's outside of business officers. They don't see the other things…

They don't see us defeated. They don't see us captured. In the eyes of the common man we're as good as gods… Well, to most people at least.

I can still hear that voice so clearly. She was in trouble. Cornered by skulls in an alley of Kings Row, their leader had that lecherous grin on his face, it wasn't hard to figure out what they were planning.

I did what any hero would do. I stepped in. They were push overs, low level thugs who were used to the newer heroes who were still learning all the ropes. I turned to ask if she was all right.

"Get away from me you mutant freak!" 

That was my thanks. They say mutants are accepted… So tell me what about those billboards hmm? 'They could be anyone' 'Earth For Humans'. We're not accepted not really. The governments try and cover up it all but the occasional story slips out to the media, usually thanks to a mutant hero like me. College students who have mutant powers attacked by other students… Extremist groups murdering mutants for being 'unnatural'. 

I'm about as non-conformist as it gets, I could probably make a white skinned Goth turn green with envy.

I'm a mutant, a lesbian and a witch, and I pay the price…

So why do I do it? Everyday I get up, I don that mask, and I go out and do what I can. I'm going to be a mother two… As if it wasn't weird enough. My girlfriend got impregnated by skin to skin contact. No fluid exchange necessary, that one little kiss before bed and then a bombshell like that. I still don't know what to do about it either… She's an alien, I'm a mutant… What will the child be like? Goddess only knows… What if it's purple and has three eyes and glowing rainbow colored hair? Okay maybe that's a little extreme but still…

And we're heroes. How will we ever find the time to raise a child? Divine may well end up having to retire at this rate… Or I might… No. She wouldn't let me. I'm far more 'into the whole hero thing' as she put it. She does it because she despises the Rikti for making her an orphan, and so she can spend time with me.

Why do I do it…? 

Because it's all I know… I could've been a model… It was going so well… And then that night. 

"Mother talk some sense into dad! The snows horrendously thick and the streets are so icy. It's not safe!"

She told me to relax, reminded my daddy was an excellent driver. I looked to my brother for help but no, he was busy watching some forensics program. Always wanted to be a detective. I found it fascinating but I knew I couldn't stomach it as a permanent career… Modeling was for me. It would pay well, I'd get to visit exotic locations, sure it would be a lot of work but it sounded like fun as well. 

Then it all shattered in that single sentence.  
"There's been an accident…"

It was how I learned of my mutant powers… The emotion was so strong, so much grief in one second. The first time I ever used my ability to harness light energy. I had no idea I could do it, it happened before I even realized what was going on. It was like a flash bang… The next thing I knew the police were unconscious on the porch…

We were sent to Paragon City. To become part of the G.I.F.T so we could learn to use our powers… The two police men were left blind for life. I nearly killed myself... To know I'd done something so terrible to people who I looked up to, people who protected the innocent.

For all my grief, Jared stayed solid as a rock. He always was. He didn't let out emotion, he crushed it under force of will and determination. If he had stayed, if he'd become a hero... He'd probably have transferred to MAGI. I practice magick, but I'm nothing compared to him, he had the gift… He could do amazing things… I remember once he fell and twisted his ankle. He didn't cry he didn't shout or scream. I helped him up. He simply asked me to take him to the couch. I did it. He lay there and placed his hands on his ankle, he whispered the words

_Out of the Marrow,  
Into the Bone,  
Out of the Bone,  
Into the Blood,  
Out of the Blood,  
Into the Flesh,  
Out of the Flesh,  
Into the Hair,  
Out of the Hair and into the Green Forest,  
Out of the Green Forest and into the Dry Sand,  
As surely as Goddess made woman and man._

Mother and Father insisted we go to the hospital. On the ride there he told them they were wasting money. He was right. They went. The doctor examined it, said he should stay off it for a few days and keep it on ice.

Jared didn't listen. The next afternoon he was out horse back riding with me like nothing had happened. My parents took him to the Doctor again, just to make sure everything was all right. The doctor said it was the most amazing thing he'd ever seen. I still remember the smile on Jared's face, it wasn't arrogant, not really but it quite clearly said "I told you so."

I do wish he'd stayed. But no, he left after only a few months. He sends me letters. Every two weeks. G.I.F.T kept his records confidential, no one knew who he was. It was easy for him to just slip into the routine of a normal life despite his own powers. The way I can control light, he can control shadow, but I don't know how often he uses his gift. He's the lead signer in a Celtic band now. I've got all 8 of the CD's they've come out with so far.

One of the songs is about an Angel who doesn't realize what she is, who thinks she's just another human… I knew it was about me. It was the nick name he gave me. The Angel. I was the honor student, I was the neighborhoods babysitter, I was the one who always did the right thing… But I didn't become a success. Here he is the leader of a band, and what am I? I'm a costumed heroine. 

So here I am… Sitting out at the balcony of my loft and pondering my life. The moon is full tonight, I can feel the energy coursing through my body, and I can remember the one time I was completely cut free of it.

I was still young, I was green, a rookie, one of those heroes blessed with the stronger powers, the kind that go to your head. The kind that make you feel more powerful than you really are.

It was easy for the fifth column to ensnare me. They locked me away in a 6x4 room made of concrete and steal, no light source, no way to replenish and no light to harness.

Within 24 hours I was at half strength, after two days I couldn't even feel my powers. They had starved me as well, I was weak, and unprepared. They did things to me then. Things I've done my best to forget about since then. Afterwards they left me, not just alone, but literally left me. They abandoned the base, took all the essential equipment and left me locked in that cell, in the dark, with no hope of escape.

She saved me. My partner in crime fighting became my savior, it was on that day that I realized just how much I cared for her, that I loved her beyond the bounds of friendship. We've been together since, and yet that memory still haunts me… I'm claustrophobic because of it, locked in that tiny room, no where to go. I can't stand small spaces anymore, when I have to venture into the tight corridors of abandoned buildings or the dank recesses of caves my heart begins to pound and fear grips every fiber of my being… But I never let it show. I never give in, because I also learned from that experience. I learned not to fear the dark. I learned not to flee from evil. 

The things they did to me were an effort to break my spirit… It only made it stronger. 

I'm lucky in many ways… I don't have a secret identity, anyone who can access the higher security levels of the Department of Heroes can find out that Leslie Harrison is the hero registered under the alias of Lady Lumos, but that's the only way… With my powers active my skin turns pale blue, my hair turns silver white, my eyes glow and my body shimmers, that's what Father Xander down in the Gish say the kids he tends to at his Parish while their parents are working all call me the Angel Lady…

Just like Jared…

Leslie though, what is she? A pretty face that no one actually knows the name of. Even if no one makes the connection that the white haired blue skinned mutant freak and the brunette model are one in the same the agencies still love the idea of having a super heroine modeling for them. 

I always remind them that Lumos doesn't endorse whatever product they're selling. I don't do many shoots anyway. My agent knows that being a hero is my primary profession… I suppose it always will be…

I look back through the glass of the balcony in at my love as she sleeps in our bed. She looks so content. Her alien body shows no sign of the pregnancy, but theirs a child in there that will be with us in a few months… I'll probably have to do more shoots than I use to… I don't like using the inheritance unless I have too, it's back up money. Jasmine and I usually get along just fine on what I make from those shoots. 

Still… Why do I do it all? Why do I struggle between two entirely different life styles? Two entirely different careers? … Well maybe they're not so different. Not when you think about it. Both careers always cause people who see you on the street to ask for autographs, snap shots. That's how I balance them… I realize that now. Because they really aren't so different, just different ways of attracting publicity, both good and bad, from the media. Waves from the public, and boos from the nay-sayers.

They're both vicious careers which can put you in danger, heroics physically, and modeling mentally… Physically to if you wind up with some crazed stalker, but that's not exactly a concern for me, not with what I can do, what I'm capable of. 

Ever hero wonders how they will die… Will they retire? Fade away and pass peacefully with old age as a cause? Will they collapse under a hail of bullets from vicious opponents? Will they give their life for the life of another? A child on a busy street? A train out of control? A car that's brakes have failed? 

I don't know how I'll die… But I realize now that I would be willing to… Not for the fame. Not for the glory. Not even to prove those haters that I'm a good person. No… I'd do it for her… For the woman I love, and for the little one we have on the way.

It's for them that I do this. For the people who live normal lives. For the everyday citizens that don't know how tough it really is. For the people who are able to walk home at night feeling just a little safer because some ones there to watch over them…

They are why I don a mask. They are why I take to the skies. They are why I'm willing to put myself in harms way. Because at the end of the day, I can come home knowing that I've kept them safe, that I've stopped one more thug, one more rapist, one more murderer.

I don't do this because I was given a gift. Not because I feel compelled to. I don't do it for revenge. I do it because it gives me joy. It puts me at peace. It helps me sleep at night. Because I know that one more person will make it home safely. That one more child will get to see their father or mother again. That one more police officer won't fall in the line of duty.

**_For that purpose, to that end… That is why I am a hero._**


End file.
